by Edwin Rodriguez
Rikers Island, NYC
You know everyone in there is tough. There are quiet dudes, but you can’t sleep on anyone. You got Bloods in there, Crips, Latin Kings and even gangs I never heard of like 6 Guns and Primetime. There are fights all the time. Over the dumbest shit, too. Like you got a muffin that someone finds pretty and they’ll rock you for it.
“John Doe” is his name. He resides in Harlem. Polo Grounds to be exact. I’ve known him since 9th grade. He was always an A student who rarely got in trouble in school. The problem was outside of school. He was recently released from Rikers Island. He is seventeen years old, 6’ 2”, 175 pounds. Here’s what he has to say:
Edwin: So what’s up? How have you been?
John: Man, I’m just happy to be out. It ain’t easy being in there for a year and some change. It changes you big time. Your whole mind state changes. It’s been very hard for me to adapt to the real world again. I mean out here dudes look at me funny all the time, like they want to get punched in the mouth. And for fear of going back I chill, I relax, and just swallow it. You know recently I signed up to a YMCA and playing ball has been a way for me to vent, and just not get into trouble. By the way, for the record, you can’t beat me in ball. Other than that, I feel like my family has turned their back on me. I guess they’re just tired of my shit. And they should be, I been in-out of criminal places for a long time now. I’m actually surprised that they even gave me this long. I guess it’s just frustrating to know that you come from a place where no one cares about you, to a place where people stop caring.
Edwin: Speaking of Rikers, what is it like in there?
John: Oh man, it’s not as bad as I thought it would be, but it’s crazy. (He’s been looking at the floor for a while now, I’m guessing he doesn’t want to remember.) You know everyone in there is tough. There are quiet dudes, but you can’t sleep on anyone. You got Bloods in there, Crips, Latin Kings and even gangs I never heard of like 6 Guns and Primetime. There are fights all the time. Over the dumbest shit, too. Like you got a muffin that someone finds pretty and they’ll rock you for it. They don’t care. And they don’t care because the guards don’t care. There was this one guard, his name was Z. and he told me like it was. I had asked him why the guards don’t take affirmative action and he was like, “Kids want to be tough, so let them. Don’t be a tough guy on the street, come here and expect the guards to bail you out in a fight.” And that’s coming from a guard! But there’s more crazy shit. Like you would expect the toughest dudes to hold the most weight in there, but actually it’s the kids with the most food who have a lot of power. You know I don’t, well, actually I do mean to brag. I was one of those kids who had the most food. Oh and another thing, that whole “dropping the soap” business really doesn’t exist in Rikers. Dudes just don’t get down like that.
Edwin: What a lot of people don’t know is that you used to get incredible grades in school. The trouble was outside of school. Could you talk a little about that?
John: Well, yeah. I mean when I was in school it was all love. I didn’t have to watch my back so constantly and plus all the school work kept my mind busy. When I was in school, I didn’t have to worry about my mother screaming, or my little brother crying. In a way, I found peace in there. Plus everyone was always nice. It’s easy to do good in school, ‘cause I found it real cool. Now when I got to the block, everyone expects me to do this and be this because of my big brother. He was the toughest dude anyone knew. With crazy street cred. He was that guy that could literally get away with murder. So yeah, I guess I just got caught up in all that nonsense. I never wanted to do any of the stuff, I just always felt I had to. You know, live up to the legend. It sounds corny but it’s true.
Edwin: You talk a little about home life and how it was bad. Could you give me a little more info as to what it was like?
John: That’s crazy personal, but you my man so fuck it. Oh and you can’t use my real name for this interview.
Edwin: (I nod my head.)
John: Well, my mother isn’t the nicest person in the world. Anyone who calls my house is approached with attitude. She’s just an all around nasty person. Like she’s my mom, and I love her, and I know she loves me, but she doesn’t show it. My father isn’t around, he lives in Philly. And when I lived there for a year…..Ohh man, that’s a whole nother interview. But my step dad he’s o.k. I mean he gives me money every now and then. I give him props though for being able to stand my mom though, that takes a lot. Anyway there’s my brother, who for fear of his life stays home playing Xbox for the majority of the time. And finally my two little siblings who are annoying. Yup, it gets pretty chaotic in our household. That is why I pretty much spend my days outside with the goons. And that’s also why I get into a lot of trouble.
Edwin: Listen, you are a smart dude who doesn’t avoid the truth. I’m glad you more or less know the root of why you into problems. So what is in store for you, what does the future hold for John Doe?
John: It’s cool you asked that because I hope to have a positive future. I want to get my G.E.D or even see if I could go back to high school and get a diploma. I ultimately want to become a marine biologist.
Edwin: (My jaw drops.)
John: Yeah, I want to become a marine biologist. Marine animals are great and very majestic. I can already tell by your face that you still in shock. I did some research and it’s an extreme field but I think it’ll be great and I’ll do good. It don’t matter how much I have to pay. I mean I’ll get loans, financial aid will cover some, and I’ll sell bud. Nah I’m kidding about the bud. But I feel I want to get out of the hood and go into/explore, I don’t know…the abyss. I mean as of right now, like I said, I’m staying out of trouble by playing ball. And since I got locked up, I been out the game for a minute. So I guess it did me good. Point blank, I want to get my life together before it’s to late. And yo, you should come to the YMCA so we could ball it up together. I’m telling you all I need is something to keep me busy.
Edwin Rodriguez was born in New York City, on the Lower East Side to be exact. He is the only boy in a family of five. He loves sports, music, and oddly enough…writing essays. He currently attends Lehman College in The Bronx and is majoring in psychology. Today Edwin can be found on the Lower East Side trying to make an impact on his community.
23 responses so far ↓
1 Marcus Wright // Mar 7, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Deep essay bro, I feel for your boy…I got a friend who just got out and he’s messed up too…But anyway, nice essay.
2 jessica // Mar 23, 2009 at 8:01 pm
wow great and strong essay im happy things got better in the end
3 James // Mar 24, 2009 at 12:35 am
I thought that this essay was interesting in the sense that instead of writing an essay format about “John” experience at Rikers, the author decided to write a dialogue which brings a more genuine experience about this essay. Throughout the dialogue one sees how the author tries to reveal “John” in a more personal way by writing in “John” voice and using words and phrases that John would use. Another reason why I found this essay to be interesting is because of the way John answers the questions the way it is and not beat around the bush. I also found it interesting that besides school and home that there was no other refuge for John to be in. It’s tragic to have a great student like John getting caught up with the wrong crowed and having to pay the penalty of committing a crime. Nevertheless, I’m glad that John has a positive outlook on his life and has a goal to seek after. I wish him the best of luck.
4 Nelly Calle // Mar 25, 2009 at 4:04 pm
I agree with John (above) I think that he deserves a second chance / opportunity because he’s not the first person in the world to make mistakes. Also I think that with this harsh experience he learned his lesson. Furthermore, I’m glad tha now that he’s out he realizes that its never too late to start again from scratch. Im glad that he has goals in his future and hopelly he accomplishes all of them!
5 Janet // Mar 25, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Interesting essay, I enjoyed reading it. By having a dialogue it make the reader be able to see what the character thoughts and feelings are and reveals more about them. Its good to see people having goals or staying positive in a hard situation.
6 Sean // Mar 25, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Nice essay man. I enjoyed reading it but I guess the only question I have is why did your friend go to jail in the first place?
7 latisha // Apr 22, 2009 at 8:28 am
I loved your essay, “john” was honest and kept it real and it made the story interesting. It is really good he is getting his life back together…best of luck.
8 Alyssa Stevenson // Apr 22, 2009 at 6:04 pm
I really liked this piece because it reminded me of the stories i would hear listening to my father’s friends experiences in prison.
9 Rhonda Davis // Apr 22, 2009 at 7:48 pm
I really liked this essay, because the author chose to “keep it real.” This helped me as the reader to gain visualization since it was so interesting. Also, there was a bit of humor in the text as well which made it worth more the while.
10 Steven // Apr 22, 2009 at 9:37 pm
Well, this is a very wonderful work. The author is very creative. The most interesting thing is that the writer leaves the reader in suspense. He gives the reader a chance to decide as to what might have lead to John’s imprisonment.
Good luck.
11 Deja Childress // Apr 22, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Wow where do I start? I know alot of people in 6 guns and Prime time. Because I was raised in the LES. I probably even know Edwin. But John Doe, was honest with his answers which made it even better. A Marine Biologist…. I hear that, dream BIG. You can do ALL thongs through Christ which strengthens you. (Philippians 4:13) That’s right keep busy, because trouble will find you or you will find trouble. John, I pray for the best for you and hang in there.
12 Janai Davila // Apr 23, 2009 at 6:05 am
It is sad that the smartest kid can be sucked into to the worst environment and be deeply affected. I feel bad for him. There is now a study showing that intelligence is based on how good the environment is. Point blank that fact sucks! But “John” seems like he’s on the right track. He made his first step with b-ball, the next is to get out of that area. Seriously.
13 Adjele // Apr 23, 2009 at 10:53 am
wow i love this story … one of the best!!! this is a sign that we should always be who we are and not who other expect us to be… John was very smart in school but because his environment and the expectations to live up to his big bro , he found himself in a worst situation… i love the fact that he has his own dream now and he is trying to get back on track.
14 Carmen // Apr 24, 2009 at 8:20 pm
This story hits home. I’m from the LES myself and my brother started just like Edwin. My brother spent his entire 20′s in prison but he reformed himself and is now working a good job and living a peaceful life. Edwin will make it as long as he doesn’t get disillusioned. Life has a lot of disappointment and it’s easy to go back to what is familiar -which isn’t always good. Edwin needs to know that in life he, and only he, is responsible for taking care of himself. So if he doesn’t get the support from the people he expects it from it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world -in the end the only person obligated to support Edwin is Edwin himself.
15 Carmen // Apr 24, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Correction: I meant John, not Edwin. Sorry -really got into it
16 janeniz alba // Apr 28, 2009 at 7:50 pm
wow this was a real good essay i was intrigued the whole entire time reading it. i think its most interesting when u can read of something who lives in your own community and you can say bascially grew up in the same kind of neighborhood besides that i hope all is well for john doe .
17 Michelle Perez // May 3, 2009 at 6:29 pm
I would just like to say this was a beautiful essay! I was happy that you were able to portray this man as he really is! Not many people when they think of ex-convicts think they are even capable of being marine biologists…
18 Felisha // May 7, 2009 at 9:08 am
This is a really great essay, especially since it gave many readers a new perspective on people in these situations. Many people make mistakes, but people tend to overlook this and judge those who have been locked up thinking that they are bad people. Many people assume that these individuals are at fault, but bad things can happen to the best of us. It’s really great that he’s determined to get his life back on the right track and he learned a great deal from this experience. It’s also very inspiring because it reminds us that it’s never to late to start over as long as you are willing to make the effort.
19 Rhondon Charles // May 9, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Another story that hits home! Although I have never been arrested, I have had my share of scares growing up in the “hood”. South Jamaica Queens to be exact. I know that we are influenced by our communities and the people we are surrounded by, but I chose to go a different route. I didn’t want to be another statistic with a brain of Einstein that wasted his life! Thanks to your friend I feel proud to know that there are others out ther that are taking the same path!
20 Palina // May 10, 2009 at 7:45 pm
It is sad that this bright kid didn’t have the chance to finish his school and go to the college. If he tells us that he went to school because it “was all love,” plus he “used to get incredible grades,” it shows us that he could achieve a lot. Unfortunately, because of the bad influence of the people he was surrounded by, he went to jail.
I like the way John analyzes his life. He understands that he needs “to get [his] life together before it’s to late.” And I wish him the biggest luck.
I agree with James, it was a good idea to write the essay in the form of dialogue because it makes the essay more genuine. The use of slang also makes the story more truthful. Writing my essays, I always avoided the slang, but I can actually see that sometimes it is a big plus for a work.
Thank you Edwin for your real essay!!!
21 Gary Palacios // May 11, 2009 at 12:22 pm
This was a great back to back interview. I enjoyed every response from John because it was straightforward and thorough. He mentioned all the little questions people fear to ask an ex inmate which I thought was excellent. For instance he answers the “dropping the soap” idea and clarifies what really happens in there. John gave great feedback in how everyday life rolls in Rikers from gangs fighting, to who holds the power, to who ultimately survives in sense of rationale.
22 Sheirin // May 11, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Wow, an impressive story. I’m glad that you have changed and are determined to get ahead in life. I think that troubled teenagers and others in prison need to be reminded that although they have done bad things in their past, there is always room for change. The most important thing is wanting to make those changes for yourself, and you really seem determined to get ahead in life. Good luck with marine biology. That is an impressive career and one that requires a lot, but I think it’ll pay off in the end.
23 Cash // Jan 28, 2010 at 1:53 am
Yo So when u 1st got to rikers wat happened?
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