by Anonymous
“I used to think my dad was some sort of superhero like Batman or Spiderman with these supernatural powers because whenever I was sick he could make me feel cured instantly. I looked up to him until the day when everything began to change.”
As the bike started down the hill I gripped onto the handle bars and just let myself go. The wind hit my face like cold ice cubes as my speed rapidly increased. I was almost at the end. I could see “the light at the end of the tunnel” when Snowy, my neighbor’s cat, jumped out in front of my bike. As I swerved to hit him my bike went up on the curb and I did a back flip landing on my face. After the few seconds of unconsciousness I opened my eyes and looked around. I could see my mom running up our gravel driveway and my neighbor stopping with his pick-up truck to see if I was still alive. There was blood dripping down the side of my face and blood gushing out of my mouth. The only person I wanted to see at this moment was my dad.
My dad is my hero. Ever since I was little I have had this bond with him that is unlike any other. “It’s because I was the first to hold you in the hospital the day you were born. We bonded instantly”, he always reminds me. Whenever something goes right or wrong, when I’m sick or when I need someone to talk to my dad is always there for me. I used to think my dad was some sort of superhero like Batman or Spiderman with these supernatural powers because whenever I was sick he could make me feel cured instantly. I looked up to him until the day when everything began to change.
I knew my dad had a temper. My mom and he would fight like cats and dogs and as I began to get older my mom used to let little secrets slip that she probably shouldn’t have. As I hit those pre-teen years, I would have more of that “I know everything attitude” which made my dad’s temper worse. Every time I gave him even the slightest attitude he would scream, then yell, then either hit me or the wall about two inches from where my head was. I was always frightened but I just thought this mental and physical abuse was normal. “All children get disciplined from their parents,” I told my best friend as she stared in awe at the huge black and blue running down the side of my face. I would never let my mom see the bruises. I would put make-up on them or wear some sort of clothing to cover them. This went on at least once a week if not more. It was always a matter of how long he could endure me “pushing his buttons.”
I always blamed myself for his actions, always thinking that I had done something wrong. I kept these depressed feelings to myself, not wanting to talk to anyone. I would put on a happy face when everyone was around to make sure no one knew that there were internal problems I was facing. When I was alone in my basement, I would cry asking God why I had to go through this. I would only cry when I was alone though. Sometimes I would be sitting in my room doing my homework and would begin to cry for no reason at all. My mom would often hear me and come downstairs. I would just tell her that I had something in my eye or I was watching the ending to a really sad movie; The Titanic was the excuse I used most often. I knew that she knew and I now know that it killed her to see her young daughter go through that kind of pain.
When I was sixteen, I met this boy who I instantly fell in love with. He soon noticed me staring at him during our boring math lectures and finally asked me out on a date. Unfortunately, the night before he totaled his car so I was forced to drive. When we got out of the movie, there was snow everywhere and it was still continuing to pour down. My cell phone had died and there was no way for me to call my parents to tell them that I was going to be late. I came home about two hours later then I said I would and when I entered the front door there was my dad standing at the top of the stairs.
I knew when I was going to get a beating; his face would say it all. I ran downstairs, picked up the phone and started to dial my best friend’s number figuring he couldn’t beat me too bad with someone able to hear it. He ran down the stairs after me and knocked the phone out of my hands before I could even press the third number. My mom must have known I was in for a huge beating also because she ran down the stairs after my dad screaming at him not to hurt me. My dad grabbed me, threw me to the floor and started hitting me. Blood starting flying everywhere and with every blow I could feel myself heading toward that unconscious state. My mom tried to stop him but he threw her to the ground too. Thankfully at some point I was able to break free and make my way up the stairs. My dad tripped over my mom as he frantically went after me. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, so I picked up the phone and threatened that if he came any closer I would call 911. He screamed at me a bit more, from a distance, and then left. I didn’t see or speak to my dad for about three months after that incident.
For me that was enough. I knew I had to ask someone for help because his temper and my depression were getting too out of control. The next morning, after my mom and I had the night to recover, I told her everything. I told her about the beatings and about my depression. She assured me nothing that my dad ever did to me was my fault and she set up an appointment for me with a psychiatrist. I refused to talk to my dad and my mom refused to let him see me until he also agreed to get help. It took a very long time but he finally let go of his pride. Perhaps our “special bond” broke down the monster growing inside of him. My dad saw a psychiatrist and went to family counseling for about a year. My psychiatrist and I only saw each other for about three months consecutively and now we see each other about once a month. My mom also went to therapy because she too suffered from his actions. She never understood how these beatings could go on and how she never found out. The therapy really helped get my depression on track and now everything is just about back to normal. I say “just about” because those memories I cannot erase. They will be forever in my mind and although I forgave my dad, what he did will never change. I still think of my dad as my hero and our “special bond” is stronger than ever. I’m sure even Batman or Superman faced internal obstacles too.
25 responses so far ↓
1 Yvonne // Apr 22, 2009 at 3:46 pm
I wonder how many children are going through the same physical and mental emotional pain. That the parent or person you loved and admired so much, brings you pain in so many ways.
Physical harm is painful because you look at yourself in the mirror and you see the bruises that gradually go away but the mental hurt and pain is still there and it stays within for a long time. How many of our children are still going through this, and the outside world is unaware and or is completely clueless until it is too late to correct the emotional scare that is left behind.
Thank you, this article touched a part of me, that has been buried within me. I just react when I read an article that hits home, and this one brought back childhood memories, from long ago. These are dark memories that you keep hidden and don’t talk about. But, I have grown up and have put these dark memories to the side, and have moved on.
2 Aida // Apr 22, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Wow! I enjoyed reading this post. I understand that you were going through that and did’nt tell your mother. I’m sure many people go through similar things and I think your experience will help those people by teaching them that telling someone can change things in a positive way. I know it was hard for you but I’m glad everyone seeked help and things are back to normal. Sometimes the worst has to happen in order for it to get better.
Thanks for your influential story.
3 Rochelle // Apr 22, 2009 at 6:48 pm
the fact that you forgave your Dad after just speaks on how strong of a Woman you are..u can forgive though but you can’t forget..BUT getting yourself back on track to a normal life must had been the journey of a lifetime to try to put things back in place..I wish you, your DAD, MOM and familly the Best..
4 Rhonda Davis // Apr 22, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Although at that time you and your father were having some issues, in the end he would always be YOUR father. I found it deep that you forgave him in the end. As the saying goes: “you can’t live with them yet you can’t live without them.” All the best!
5 Janai Davila // Apr 23, 2009 at 5:55 am
It definitely takes a “real” man to get help like your father did. This is the situation for many people, the only difference being that they don’t get help. I could definitely understand the physical pain, but emotionally I can only say I feel for you. It is one thing to be beaten by someone who doesn’t matter, but to be beaten by someone who is supposed to love you is another. I am glad you were strong enough as well to get help. I am also very proud of you for forgiving. That takes a lot. Overall, I hope you and your mother have a full recovery because an experience like that can be really damaging. Thank you for your story. I am sure you helped many people.
6 Marco Figueroa // Apr 24, 2009 at 12:21 pm
I am glad you forgave your father, he will always be you dad. Forgiving your father shows how strong your personality is and character . iam proud that you found courage to find help for you and your family, and patch things back to normality. thank you for your story. Hopefully someone else will find courage just like you did ones they read your story.
7 Carmen // Apr 26, 2009 at 8:43 am
I hope that your father has received all of the help he needs and that there is peace amongst all of you. I hope that you understand his actions were not your fault and that you won’t allow this to affect any relationship in your future. There are so many wounded people living in this world because situations like this have scarred them forever -I hope your therapy will heal you so that you don’t become one of these lifetime wounded people.
8 Raj Alfred // Apr 26, 2009 at 1:04 pm
It was really horrible what you endured physically,mentally and emotionally.However it was good that your dad accepted the help you sought for you and your family.You are a person with divine qualities,that despite all he had done you still forgave him ,for he is your ‘Hero’ and the bond between the two of you can never be broken.
9 Elizabeth // Apr 26, 2009 at 6:44 pm
I could only hope that this experience
would make you a stronger woman and one day a better mother.
10 Mary Fung // May 8, 2009 at 8:02 am
Many children probably experienced what you went through. However, I’m sure that most children don’t threaten their parents with calling 911 because they are afraid too. In a psychological standpoint, most children would turn out to be abusive parents just because their parents were abusive. Sadly, it is hard to change what you grew up to. I’m very happy for your whole family. Hope everything turns out well. I really admire how you forgave your father. Not many people have the strength or dignity to do that including myself. Best wishes.
11 Mei Liu // May 10, 2009 at 11:32 am
I also grew up with my parents physically disciplining me all the time. I’d get hurt and then it starts all over again. But, I knew they did it out of love for me and now that I’m older, I’m thankful for them doing everything they can for me. I love both of my parents and am always in debt to them for what they’ve given me. Your article touched me and also showed me that every family have their own problems, but in the end, they’re family and they’ll love you no matter what happen.
12 Sheirin // May 11, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Wow…its hard to admit that I’ve heard countless stories such as this one. Words alone could never describe the pain and emotions felt during these beatings. I’ve spoken to close friends who have endured both physical and emotional pain such as yours and its never easy to admit that your mom or dad is at fault. It is especially hard because you love them and know that they love you too. Yet it is always important to get help immediately when things become violent or even if your parents are constantly hurting you emotionally. There are no actions a child could do to deserve such pain and misery.
13 Gary Palacios // May 11, 2009 at 12:14 pm
“With friends like you, who needs enemies.” Well for this young girl, she suffered what no good parent would want their child to suffer. Domestic abuse is increasing in the United States and law enforcement has to put some type of effort into containing this kind of abuse.
“Just time would tell” is another quote in which i abide by because time tells everything. It makes you reach epiphanies, both good and bad. Well for her, she reach a bad epiphany the day her father started laying hands on her. Thinking he was her hero for all time sake, she finally got the taste of what her father was really capable of.
I have two friends who have had similar situations and still find the courage to say that by the end and till the end, they will always love their parent, despite the differences. I have no say in that because that hasn’t happened to me but just hope for the best for them.
14 Ziying Li // May 11, 2009 at 12:16 pm
I always have a close relationship with my father. When I was litte, a elementary kid, my father frequently bring me with him to work. I learned a lot of interesting thing s from him . Reading newspaper is his first “snack” in the morning. It has been the habit of him for more than 30 yrs. That’s why he seems to knwo everything to me. He is always a “hero” type figure in my mind.
15 Robin // May 14, 2009 at 7:14 pm
My father and I weren’t that close, but I always respected his title as a father. I was actually afraid of him because he disciplined me a lot as a child. But I still have love for him and give him the most respect.
16 jennifer F. // Oct 16, 2010 at 11:16 pm
I thought you did a great job describing the events and your emotions. The passage that stood out to me the most was the incident after the movie theatre. It is so intense and vivid. It is also a very difficult issue to talk about, I’m sure. Abuse is a topic that I am very sensitive to and so I’m impressed by how well you conveyed your feelings. It must also be painful to see how someone you admire and love so much can actually turn into an enemy, as you titled this essay.
17 antonija glavan // Oct 18, 2010 at 3:36 pm
This essay reminded me of one of my close friends whose father had abused her growing up. Even as a child he would beat her and verbally and emotionally abuse her, and that not only made her depressed but she is now a nervous wreck because of it. This essay was not only good for opening people’s eyes on domestic abuse but it also show’s how this was not healthy because a father and daughter should always have a special bond and nothing further then lectures or punishments like gettin grounded etc should be the way a situation should be handled. Abuse is never the answer because it only makes a situation worse and some people have a hard time recovering.
18 Jerry Kokkinos // Oct 18, 2010 at 8:22 pm
This must have been very difficult to write and I commend you for describing such a personal and heartfelt experience. At first I actually thought this was written by a male and for a couple of reasons. For one thing it is more common for a son to look up to his father as his hero and role model, which shows the special bond you guys had. The other thing that caught me really off guard was the way you described the physicality displayd by your father and how he would hit you; up to that point I thought it was his son until you mention that it killed your mother to have her younger daughter go through such traumatic events. You really get through to your audience with the stance you chose to write this in. Even after all the hardships and depression that results from your father and the way he abused you, you still end the piece with the notion that he not only remains your hero but that relationship is even stronger now than it has ever been. Your essay raises the awareness of how serious an issue this can become and it is important, no matter what emotional attachments to the person exist, that you report it and get some help. Your father had a serious problem and the fact that you were able to look past that and still love him the same shows how caring and unique a person you are.
19 Steph D. // Oct 19, 2010 at 1:35 am
Your story really touched my heart. What really hurt me was the quote you said about how much you looked up to your father “I used to think my dad was some sort of superhero like Batman or Spiderman..I looked up to him until the day when everything began to change.” It really made me realize how difficult it must have been for you to see someone you used to envy grow to be such a horrific monster. It shows how strong you are that at one point you decided that enough was enough and you put an end to it. Your story made me think how many other children must be going through the same traumatic things that you went through. And some of these children might also think that it’s normal and start blaming themselves, and they won’t be as strong as you were, to put an end to it. They might just learn to deal with it, letting themselves get emotionally and physically abused. We should try to raise more awareness and show these children that they can have a better life. It’s not normal for parents to take out their anger and frustration on their children, especially not in such a viscous way. I’m sure your story touched may other people’s lives as well. And educated the people that might unfortunately be going through the same things you went through.
20 Jennifer // Oct 19, 2010 at 8:43 am
I can’t believe you endured any beatings without telling your mom or even letting her see it. I’m glad you and your dad have worked things out. Even superheros can lose control to their emotions. Maybe there was something inside him that triggered his emotions more quickly when you were a teen. Either way, to have gone through that and have worked things out only makes you and your family stronger. I think he can thank you for getting help, no one likes being that angry, it weighs too heavily. Maybe in the end you’re the superhero.
21 Danielle // Mar 23, 2011 at 10:05 pm
Wow, you tell a story that must be so difficult to re-live. I give you so much credit for sharing it with us.
Your story made me so sad. Every little girl shoud be able to look up to her father, and what you went through with him is aweful! I can not imagine what it must have been like for you keeping such a huge secret from everyone.
You are so descriptive when you describe your final beating, that I could see it happening.
For you to be able to forgive him makes you a very special person! I hope that one day your story will help another teenager to come forward and tell!
22 The Hell Gate Review- “Living with the Enemy” | liukai En200w // Mar 23, 2011 at 11:31 pm
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23 Josh G. // Mar 24, 2011 at 1:16 am
I really found this story heartrenching. It really gets to me when people with “power” take advantage of those weaker than them. I hope the therapy is woroking for you and that the beating wont have as great an affect on you than if you had kept silent. I can kind of identify with this essay because all though my father never beat me as bad as you, I still got beatings and he did give me a black eye once in the sixth grade that lasted a week and I had to go to school with. My mother told me to lie about how I got it because if I told the truth then they might take me away from my parents. It felt wrong to lie but at the same time I felt like my dad had just made a mistake and I didnt want people to think ill of him. Anyway, this story captured me. Especially after “her young daughter go through that kind of pain” when I discovered you were a girl. That was kind of shocking. It really gets to me when guys beat on girls. To me its like they arent even men.
24 Josh's Blog // Mar 24, 2011 at 1:18 am
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25 Larisa Abrakhaimova // Mar 24, 2011 at 1:54 am
Hi there,
I really find it to be ironic that the close bond you and your father shared ultimately leads into this controlling, abusive relationship. Having to deal with the brutal words and abusiveness on your own shows how courageous you are. When you ask “Why is this happening to you” I learned in private school that G-d only gives those tasks to individuals who can handle it. There was a girl in my private school she had a similar situation to yours. She tells all her problems to the school counselor of how her father abuses her physically and verbally, and how he disrespects his wife and what not. This girl because she can’t keep her emotions bottled up or to herself like you did, it ruined her not only her life, but her father’s as well. The school counselor called the police and told them everything that the girl said and they locked up her father. You made a wise decision and kept it to yourself or else it could have gotten worse. I’m really glad to hear it all worked out in the end that your father got help and is eventually getting better. Not a lot of people admit that their wrong, especially men knowing how much pride they have. Just something to keep in mind whenever times are bad, remember it all happens for a reason and what’s meant to be will always find a way. I hope things are getting only better for you!
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