by Gint Aras

Karolis Gintaras Žukauskas

I swear right now that everything your gonna read in here happened 100% true. Cauze when I used to look back at all this crap that went down with me, sometimes I wouldn’t even believe it myself. I used to trip a lot on shrooms and acid, plus get high off weed or hash in weird places which can mess up how your ass remembers shit. (Though shrooms can help you with other stuff, but I’ll tell you about that later.) The thing is, when you start writin’ down a story from your life, it totally makes you sort shit out, so I’ll admit I’m doin’ this to understand what the fuck happened myself. Still, for anybody who wants to read it, it’s a real good story even though there’s parts in here that get kinda wigged.

The whole thing started way earlier than that fateful Saturday on April 1, 2006. But I’m scared all the stuff about my dad and the hometown where I’m from is gonna bore your ass. Unless you live around there, probably you never even heard of Berwyn frickin’ Illinois. Cauze there’s people from Chicago who never even heard of it, though on sunny days you can see the Sears Tower clean off Ogden Avenue. Berwyn has some nice streets with good houses, though also the town is trashy, like corner bars and train tracks and dudes walkin’ around with their jeans fallin’ down. If you lost your beer gut, probably someone in Berwyn picked it up and never even noticed.

Back in ’06 I was tryin’ to get my life improved, cauze my job at the stupid Buona Beef wasn’t workin’ out like I planned. I was takin’ some classes by this community college called Sterling College which is over in Cicero, like the town right next door by Berwyn where some parts get ghetto. My first class started in January, though by March already I was dropped out and flunked. It got way too hard, frickin’ English 086 and Intermediate Algebra. You gotta study all day for them classes, only you don’t got all day when you crash a car and end up owin’ a guy lots of cash.

I knew this dude Diego. By accident I smashed up his uncle’s Buick with more than two grand in damage. And Diego needed it fast cauze his uncle was gonna come home from Mexico in like a month or six weeks without no warning. The only way I could get that cash was sellin’ weed, which I promised after high school I wouldn’t do no more. But Buona Beef wasn’t gonna pay for no Buick.

One buyer I knew was this landlord (not mine) with some properties all around Oak Park and Berwyn and Cicero…he was real rich cauze he inherited maybe a dozen houses when his old man died. The thing is, this dude was a SMOKER…a frickin’ Deadhead, Phishhead and Radiohead, all his clocks 4:20 all the time and every day. His beard was real big, like three gallons of hair on his face. So in my story I’m gonna call him Big Beard.

Karolis Gintaras Žukauskas

I would meet him by Oak Park in this laundrymat right near the Green Line el stop on Oak Park Avenue. We would make the deal in my car cauze he never wanted to show where he lived. So that’s where it started on April 1st, 2006 when I was waitin’ for Big Beard in the frickin’ laundry and mindin’ my own business. He was usually dead on time, though now he was maybe ten minutes late. But I stayed cool, busted out some Cypress Hill on my headphones. I had a yellow pillow case with three jeans in there so I could throw them in a dryer, pretend I’m an official laundry user. And I just watched my jeans go round and round and sat chillin’ with Cypress.

Now I’m gonna change another name. Cauze this story is really about a lady who came in the laundry that day…I’m gonna call her Audra. She was from this country called Lithuania, which is totally a real place and you can google it if you want. Over there they talk Lithuanian, a real messed up language with longass names like Aušrainė, Ventvaitė and Šišvaiška, so Audra’s more easy for you to read. When I first seen her, she was maybe 32 or 34. Though also she could of been 29 or 30 since I never got her real age pinned down exact. Back then I was just 20, so when she first came in I didn’t think too much about it. I mean, she was real beautiful. But big deal. Tall blonde women walk around Oak Park all the time cauze they get married with all them rich assholes who live there.

Big Beard wasn’t coming. I called with my cell but he didn’t pick up. Then I went out to roll some Drum and have a smoke, look up and down the street for his ass. Frickin’ I didn’t see him noplace and went back in to wait real annoyed about it.

From the place where I sat down I could see Audra’s reflection in a dryer. After this one thin dude left with his laundry basket, it was only me and Audra in there. She didn’t have no load to wash, just kept messin’ with her phone, readin’ some messages and textin’ somebody. I thought I was real smooth lookin’ at her reflection so she didn’t know about it, but then we had one of them moments where the chick catches you starin’ at her. Real quick I looked at some “important shit” like the trash can. But I was nailed red handed and dumb, especially since my dryer was already finished for like five minutes.

Karolis Gintaras Žukauskas

I’m one of them dudes who gets like a moron if a hot chick is gonna talk with me. It’s all this buzzing on my back, plus my tongue goes dry like a brick. She was comin’ over…totally knew how to click her heels so damn evil. I figured I’ll get my dry clothes, act like everything’s regular, though I got paranoid cauze maybe she’s a cop. She knows that’s my Plymouth Horizon outside, the one with an ounce of weed in the glove.

Audra said, “Can I ask you something?”

“Um.” I was trying to button some jeans. “Sure.”

“Would you like to make a thousand dollars?”

That question didn’t really make it all the way to my brain. Audra sighed. “Earth to Nate,” she said. “Can you answer? Stoner boy?”

“What? Sorry.” It was kinda smooth how I took off my earphones and put the whole CD player in the pillowcase. “I’m Nate, yeah. You mean, like dollars?”

“One thousand dollars, Nate? Do you want to make that much?” Right there I heard how she talked with a little accent, only it was real small. “Won’t take long.”

I think I shrugged. Or maybe I scratched my chin or something. “Sure. I’ll make that much.” I kinda went auto pilot and followed her to a shiny ass Lincoln Navigator. To hide my boner I kept the pillow case in my lap when she was drivin’ me around.

Dude, my name ain’t Nate. That’s just the name I used to give weed customers like Big Beard. I guess I should of known right there Audra had something to do with him, probably she knew him and got the name from him. But I was seein’ her legs up close and could smell her perfume like sleeping potion. I said, “My name’s Andrew. Though that’s like the long version. Cauze people call me Andy mostly. Or Drew…they call me Drew. Frickin’ Cicero boys, they just turn it into D. But that’s kinda ghetto.”

I could of been named Larry Hick Dominick or Michael Jeffrey Jordan, she didn’t care about it at all. Audra just drove that huge car with her blue eyes on the road. I looked at them eyes real careful cauze I seen a rainy day in there like something was sad. Also her one eye was kinda red, a little swelled when I had a better look.

I grew up in my life with some real depressed women. Pill poppers and boozers, my older sister, my mom, my alcoholic grandma, all three filled up with hurt inside where they wouldn’t tell nobody. My dad left my mom with a whole pile of crap, kids and bills, stuff that’s real hard to handle by yourself, and lookin’ at Audra I could see that kind of thing in her. If you know it, it’s a real special quiet, though under the quiet they got lots of loudness tied up with real tight knots. I knew for sure she had it cauze it was strong from deep inside. Not no make up or fancy clothes can cover it up.

Karolis Gintaras Žukauskas

She pulled that Navigator in a garage where I seen a boat. On the walls it was lots of fishing stuff, like poles that you could catch a shark or a whale, plus posters with dudes wearin’ them green rubber pants and stupid hats. The garage went to the house and I followed Audra through some rooms, like four or five. The kitchen had a shandeleer in there and I seen crystal bowls and some dishes on small tables. A Mexican lady was cleanin’ the place and I almost stepped on the mophead dog cauze the little shit was the exact same color like the carpet.

One room smelled like clay and wet paint…it was filled up with paintings and statues, some of ’em leaned up by the walls. One painting was a dude fishing, then another one showed this cabin by a river and some people sittin’ by a bonfire. But in the middle of the room was this clay thing. It wasn’t finished yet, but I could tell it was frickin’ Big Beard’s head! He was makin’ his own face…the same way how sometimes you see a dude’s head on a piano, only bigger. Further down one hallway I seen a picture of him shaved trim with Audra in her wedding clothes. She wasn’t that much younger then.

Audra made me go in a bedroom. Before I could ask what the hell’s goin’ on or where the fuck is Big Beard, she was takin’ off her clothes. “Andy? Or Drew?” It took like ten seconds and she was standin’ butt naked like we’re in porno. “You don’t mind, do you?” Audra touched my face real gentle and I went shiverin’. I was tryin’ to hide behind the pillow case but she dumped that stupid thing in a corner. Then she fell back on the bed and spread her legs. “I want you to eat me out,” she said. “Please. You’ll do it, won’t you?”

Dude, I laughed, I think, cauze Audra also started laughin’. One thousand dollars? When I seen her laid down like that and feelin’ herself I forgot about money. I was just happy this one girl gave me all them pussy eating lessons my junior year. Thanks to her, I totally got in there real confident.

It’s amazing how much wacko shit you can think while you go down on a strange older woman. Am I breakin’ some laws? What if Big Beard comes home? He’ll hook me up with them fishing hooks. The Mexican lady was closin’ some doors and slidin’ shit way deep in the house. We could hear all that with the bedroom door wide open, but I wasn’t gonna stand up to close it now.

In the beginning it was kinda fun. But pretty soon shit got complicated. She started howlin’ loud like someone’s stabbin’ her, totally makin’ extra noise. I thought we were done, but she wanted more. She kept makin’ my hands go all over her body, made me pinch her and told me to do it harder. She wouldn’t let me take no break, would just grab my head and hold my ears. Pretty soon she was moanin’ like her family died and her face turned sunburn red. Then Audra told me, “Just wait a moment,” and right there she busted out her cocaine stuff.

Dude, it wasn’t cool. Cauze when a real gorgeous woman cokes up naked in front of you, it ain’t hot, just tweaked and wigged…she rubbed her eyes and some mascara got smeared. I started wantin’ to get the hell outta there, and when my cell rang I thought I had a chance. But she knocked it outta my hand and made me do it again. I did just cauze I couldn’t know what she’s got next, maybe a knife stashed under a pillow or a gun. She was totally jacked up and crazy, like she wanted an orgasm to kill her.

The phone kept ringin’. The Mexican lady fired up a blender in the kitchen. Then somebody started a lawn mower outside and a helicopter flew over pretty low. “Turn that shit off,” she said, but she had her hands tight around my head and was pressin’ me down. “Turn it off!” She held me tighter…I didn’t know what the fuck to do…Audra was so damn strong and her nails went diggin’ real hard in my neck. I didn’t know why, but pretty soon she started beatin’ her hands on the bed with real hard slaps, then she pushed me with her feet so I fell off the bed. I think she was cryin’ now or freakin’ out, or just makin’ a scene to scare me. She yelled, “Don’t you touch that phone.”

“Hey, it’s cool.” I tried to stay chill. “It’s okay. I ain’t gonna call nobody. It’s cool.” I kinda sat down next to her real gentle and pet her real light. After a couple seconds, she freaked. “Just take money and get out!” Audra rolled over by a little drawer where it was loads of cash in one envelope, totally crisp bills. She counted the money, shoved it in my hand and told me to get the fuck out.

Karolis Gintaras Žukauskas

The Mexican lady was still in the kitchen with a blender. I walked past with my shirt torn and my neck all ripped up, my face barely even wiped off. But the lady just kept cuttin’ mangoes, kinda rubbin’ her forehead with the back of her hand. I got lost in that house for a minute, but then found my way out some side door. I was already on the corner of LeMoyne and Oak Park Avenue when I checked my pocket, figured out I left my phone in Big Beard’s house.

Now it was no way to remember his number. And from LeMoyne the walk back to the laundry was like twelve long blocks past Augusta and Chicago Avenue and then Lake Street. But Big Beard must of been hard up for weed cauze he was still waitin’ in a restaurant across the street from my car. That dude came out when he seen me pissed from a parking ticket stuck on my window. “Nate. What the hell happened to you?”

“Nothing. Where the fuck were you? Called your ass, you were late first.”

“Had some issues, sorry.” He was lookin’ me over real good when I was messin’ with my car keys. “That’s blood on your back? You get into a fight?”

“Don’t worry about it.” We made the deal. I thought he might smell his wife’s perfume on me, so I rushed him out, said I’m late for all kinds of shit. Then I frickin’ left Oak Park with more cash in my pocket than I ever even seen in my whole damn life.

Gint Aras (Karolis Gintaras Žukauskas) was born in Cicero, IL to immigrants displaced by World War II. He attended the University of Illinois in Urbana/Champaign and earned his MFA from Columbia University. To support his writing, he has worked as a hearse driver, fast food guy, hotel houseman, pasta cook, actor and delivery man. He currently teaches English and Humanities at Morton College and lives in Oak Park, IL.

Karolis Gintaras Žukauskas

Check out Liquid Ink, the official website of Karolis Gintaras Žukauskas ["Trapped on Planet Earth since 1973"]. And to find out what happens next in Andy Nowak’s crazy life, read the novel Finding the Moon in Sugar, which is available from Amazon.com and elsewhere. “That Fateful Saturday” is the novel’s first chapter.