by Mornier Rich
“Competition Time! On Sunday, November 9, at 12:00 pm, approximately 70 gymnasts gathered at The Athletic Club on Staten Island for a local meet. Kayla’s team started the competition with the vault. The first gymnast from her team ran down the runway, flipped over the vault and landed on her feet. Everyone applauded but her parents STOOD UP and applauded. I looked at her parents while they were standing and muttered, ‘Show-offs.’”
My daughter Kayla is 11 years old and is in the sixth grade. She is a gymnast and has been practicing for about three years. I am her mother, so of course, I think she is very good. Kayla entered her first amateur competition in April 2008. She was nervous so I reminded her to have fun and not worry about coming in first, second, or third place. Kayla performed her routines and ranked in seventh place. She entered another competition in May 2008 and ranked in eighth place. Kayla looked disappointed. I tried to encourage her but she did not want to hear what I had to say. Kayla increased her practice time from twice a week to three times a week. She needed to give special attention to this one technique that gave her the most trouble. It is called the “mill circle” which is performed on the uneven bars. After three months of practicing, Kayla told me she was confident and ready to compete.
Competition Time! On Sunday, November 9, at 12:00 pm, approximately 70 gymnasts gathered at The Athletic Club on Staten Island for a local meet. Kayla’s team started the competition with the vault. The first gymnast from her team ran down the runway, flipped over the vault and landed on her feet. Everyone applauded but her parents STOOD UP and applauded. I looked at her parents while they were standing and muttered, “Show-offs.” I realize now that my behavior was immature but that was how I felt at that moment. The second gymnast ran and executed the same technique as the first. The only difference was she landed on her butt. The audience applauded as a form of encouragement. I started thinking, “I hope this doesn’t mess up Kayla mentally.” Kayla approached the runway, took a deep breath and ran extremely fast. She executed the same technique as well and landed on her feet. Perfect! She looked at me and instead of standing like other parents, I pointed at her with my index finger. This was our code language for “You did it!”
After completing the vault, the team moved to the balance beam. The first gymnast mounted the beam and executed her routine flawlessly. The audience applauded and once again her parents stood up. “I wish they would sit down and act humble,” I whispered to myself. My husband overheard me and suggested that I stop being a killjoy and leave those people alone. The second gymnast mounted the beam and in the middle of her routine, fell off and started to cry. The coach told her to complete her routine, and she did. The audience applauded; but this gymnast was not receptive to the crowd’s optimism. Kayla was next. She mounted the beam, completed a few balancing techniques, dismounted and landed on her feet. Outstanding! My husband gave me a high five and said, “She is awesome!” After she exited the mats, Kayla looked at me and I pointed at her.
The team proceeded to the mats for the floor exercise. The first gymnast performed. As she was completing her last flip, she landed on her butt. She got up and did the flip again. This time she landed on her feet. The audience applauded. I looked at her parents and noticed that they did not stand this time. I thought, “What a sad message they are sending to their daughter about perfection and mistakes.” My husband looked at me as if he knew what I was thinking and said, “Mind your business.” The second girl did the same routine and it was excellent. The audience applauded but she still looked unhappy. I believed she was sad due to the mistakes she made earlier in the competition. Kayla was up. She did a forward roll that went into a split. Then she did some dance moves, flipped, and landed on her feet. Wonderful! She exited the mats and looked at me. I pointed at her and she gave me such an enormous smile. I started feeling exceptional. My sitting posture became bolder and more confident. My back was totally straight, my shoulders were back, my head was elevated and I felt proud.
The final event was the uneven bars. Kayla’s team proceeded to that area of the gym. The first and second gymnasts performed and both routines were flawless. Showtime Kayla! She approached the low bar, placed her hands on it and started to swing. She completed a couple of flips, moved from bar to bar, and prepared herself to do the mill circle. I joined my hands together as if I was praying and pressed them against my lips. Kayla pulled herself up, her hips rested against the bar, and her arms were straight and locked in order to support her body weight. She shifted her lower body to the right so that she could part her legs allowing the bar to go in between while keeping her legs elevated from the bar. She released her hands a little and leaned forward so that her body would go around. Kayla ended up back in the same position she started from. Fabulous! Suddenly, Kayla must have lost control. Her body went forward spinning around and around. Kayla’s coach grabbed her to prevent her from going around again. She finished the routine but looked devastated. Kayla exited the mats then looked at me. I pointed at her and she turned her head in the other direction. Kayla finally turned around to face me. Amazingly, she started laughing! My husband and I were surprised and we started laughing too. Once the competition officially ended, my husband and I walked over to Kayla. He said, “Kayla, I just want you to know that I am proud of you.” I looked at her and we both started to laugh again. I hugged her and did not say anything because our laughter said millions of words.
Later that evening I was watching Kayla as she played in the family room. I was able to reflect on the events of the day. I noticed that my judgmental side came out against those parents when they stood and when they did not. It really was not any of my business. People express emotions in various ways. I also thought about Kayla’s response to her mistake. Each time I envision her spinning around and around, I start to laugh. It was hilarious! Her response reminded me to not take my mistakes too seriously, as long as they are not life threatening. If I can learn to laugh at myself more, I am sure I will judge others less, and possibly enjoy life more. The ability to laugh can help make mistakes and disappointments appear less taxing. Kayla has another gymnastics competition in January 2009. I hope she will always have the ability to laugh when necessary.
Mornier Rich was born in New York City. She is a senior at Queens College, majoring in English. She intends to enroll in Graduate School focusing her studies in the areas of language and literacy. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, journal writing, and walking. She currently resides in Rosedale, New York with her husband, Willie and children, Cineca, Willie, III. and Kayla.
20 responses so far ↓
1 Thos Shipley // Mar 11, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Thank you Mornier I needed that.
2 Jeaneen // Mar 11, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Awesome post on sooo many levels. The descriptive nature is awesome. It taunts, pulls, and grabs at the reader. It makes you want to rush through to the next word, next line, next competition. But it also allows to fully emerge yourself into the competition. The moral of the story is one that resonates a million times over. In the current state of affairs, this gentle reminder that laughter is good for the soul is powerful, yet simple enough to touch many.
3 Big Sis Deborah // Mar 13, 2009 at 9:54 am
Mornier, That’s wonderful! I love the story it warmed my heart brought tear of joy to my eyes.
God is truly working in you. I’m so proud you.
Write on Sister Write on.
4 Sabrina // Mar 31, 2009 at 8:16 am
God is great, life is good, when we can look back on an experience and share a message with others. The story is encouraging in so many ways. However, as a parent you demonstrated your reactions, feelings, and dedication we as parents have for our children. Competition is healty for children and “parents”. Laughter is good for the soul, and Mornier your story has fed many readers soul. Outstanding! I am standing and applauding you little sis. Much love!
5 Aida // Apr 22, 2009 at 5:06 pm
That was an excellant post!
It’s human nature to judge other people but I think it’s great that you learned from the experience and was able to share it with other people so other people can learn from it too. I know I learned from it.
6 Rochelle // Apr 22, 2009 at 6:37 pm
I loved that story..the ability laugh..its a powerful thing that shockingly not every one has that…AND thats me always learning life lessons..falling down on my face but brushing it off and getting back up with a smile..Sometimes when I am going through a rough period in my life I anxiously anticipate getting over it so i could laugh about it…laughter is an ancient an onoing remedy..that I for one take advantage of.
7 Rhonda Davis // Apr 22, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Laughter is a key component in life. Without it, everything in the world would seem so…well…blah! I couldn’t agree more with you. I really liked this piece. It was cute and down to Earth. It’s cool how you chose to use your daughter as the main thread for this essay as well. Also, not only did you depict yourself as a parent but as a friend as well. I feel as if everyone can relate to Kayla’s experience in their own way (I know I can!)
8 Janai Davila // Apr 23, 2009 at 5:43 am
This was great. I am currently sitting on the edge of my seat. That was the most exciting piece about someone’s child. There are too many parents who go on and on about their children, not saying that they shouldn’t, but it gets annoying. This was such a creative way to say “laugh a little” and incorporate your daughters achievements. I felt like I knew Kayla and I’m proud of her as well. As for that lesson you learned from her, it is a great one. That is how my mom stayed so young. One thing though, you should definitely stand up next time she lands a routine… of-course adding the “you did it” point. Wonderful.
9 Marco Figueroa // Apr 24, 2009 at 1:05 pm
We go humans go through so many disapointments in life , that i can not imagine life without laughter. This story made me realize how precious life is and that laughter is good for the soul, it rejuvinates me and makes me feel young. It is also an ancient remedy for mental health. And i apply it to my life . Very nice job. Thank you very much.
10 Mary Fung // May 8, 2009 at 7:51 am
Everyone is bound to face a moment in their life that they find humiliating or embarrassing. What they don’t know is that the only person judging them is themselves. Laughing at your own mistakes makes the situation easier. It shows that you are strong enough to move on as well as accepting the fact that everyone makes mistakes. This story inspires me to accept who I am and to just laugh out my mistakes and work harder next time. Laughter is always the best medicine to a rough day. Even people without PhD’s can tell you that.
11 Palina // May 10, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Mornier, I like your story a lot! Especially, the part where you describe the exercises during the final event. I felt like it was me doing the routines and laughing afterwards.
It is very important to learn not to pay attention on our mistakes and try to approach them with the laughter because this is the only way we can enjoy our activities.
I like how you teach your daughter to deal with mistakes. Kids and teenagers are very vulnerable and in some situations they can be wounded by their parents’ opinion. Your support helped Kayla to excel in the second competition. She was confident in herself and less nervous because she knew no matter what you wouldn’t be judging her. She knew that you would be laughing together.
I totally agree with you. Unless our mistakes are life threatening, we don’t need to take them too seriously. And the laughter makes our mistakes and disappointments less important.
12 Stanley // May 10, 2009 at 8:36 pm
There are many times in life when everyone goes through embarrassing moments, and often times they trail him/her forever. These times may be painful, but with the support of others, the pain can be lessened greatly. Parents who only cheer for their child during success and do not do the same encouragement during failure makes the child feel even worse. Moreover, many children look at their parents as role models, support, and approval. From my past experiences, it is easier to accept failure or mistakes if you know your parents will still be by your side. I, too, did something very embarrassing when I was little, but like you, my parents were still supportive and even told me not to worry because I did my best. In the end, my parents and I started laughing at my mistake. Through laughing, I felt that the pain eased and rather than taking it as an embarrassing moment, it was turned into an amusing moment.
13 Sonar // Oct 16, 2010 at 1:35 pm
Mornier, you were able to convey a broad theme about the relationship between laughter and well-being through an unlikely and seemingly unrelated anecdote. Sometimes parents unnecessarily expect and demand a lot from their children when it comes to competitions and contests. Such an attitude can veer their children to frustration and unhappiness. They say pressure makes diamonds, but it is also true that excessive pressure breaks, ruptures pipes. So a parent definitely has to find a healthy balance between a competitive drive and contentment for their children. Laughter, finding humor even in the most unlikely of places, seems like the catalyst of that balance. Self-righteousness gets even the best of us. Adding those details about your husband reminding you to “mind your own business” every time those “parents” stood up added an additional layer of humor. Lastly, the way in which your daughter reacted to her last performance demonstrated how effective laughter can be. It’s uncontrollably contagious.
14 SpeakEZ » Blog Archive » 0ct 19: Hell Gate Review: “The Ability to Laugh”; “Let Me Be” // Oct 16, 2010 at 6:52 pm
[...] http://hellgatereview.com/the-ability-to-laugh/ [...]
15 Jerry Kokkinos // Oct 18, 2010 at 8:47 pm
This was a classic story between a mother and her daughter. It relates to so many people who were in competitions and sport teams when growing up and had their parents sit in the audience for support. The scene where you call the other parents show offs is humorous and very characteristic of how most parents would react unless it were their own child. It is interesting that you end up learning a lesson from your daughter that you can use in the future. Laughing at yourself is definitely a way to relieve stress and live happier, no matter what mistakes you may have to deal with. It is clearly evident, by the way you describe your daughter’s performances, that you were truly proud of her and yet it was a nerve wracking experience at the same time. You might have been more nervous for her than she was prior to each of the events.
16 Shira // Oct 18, 2010 at 9:41 pm
As a former gymnast, I can say that during my competitions, I needed encouragement and my parents were always there to support me whether I performed a flawless floor routine or falling clumsily on the vault. This was a very real piece that shows a parent’s unconditional love for her child, even when she makes mistakes. The other set of parents who stood up only when their daughter performed well obviously had high expectations for her, and had a hard time when she failed. I like how you were able to laugh, with Kayla, at her mistakes; it is encouraging to a child, and shows them that even during their falls, it’s okay to laugh and makes them feel better about their mistakes and not take it so seriously.
17 Jennifer // Oct 18, 2010 at 10:15 pm
You learn best from your mistakes. Having practiced gymnastics myself, I know how difficult, let alone scary and dangerous it is to land some of those moves. It was important for me to have some type of encouragement and support from my family or friends; that was what kept me going.
Over all I think that many parents are very hard on their kids. Kids will be kids and you need to love and support them in everything they do, even if they mess us. It is when they mess up that a child needs their parents the most. Sadly, many parents do not see this. Great essay.
18 Maria T // Oct 19, 2010 at 1:18 am
This essay is very entertaining, but it also conveys a very strong message, because it shows how different we are able to approach each other’s mistakes. Here we are able to see how the parents can influence so much in how their kids react to such events. For example the parents from the first gymnast would only acknowledge her if she performed well. The second girl was her own worst critic as she was disappointed even after a flawless performance. But Kayla showed a different attitude she was happy when she did well, and when she had to face her weakness and she failed she still managed to find the comical element in it. It shows us that in life we have two choices to either look at the glass either half empty or half full, and more often than not when we take a positive attitude things turn out to be better for us.
19 Jennifer // Oct 19, 2010 at 8:28 am
I love the connection you and your daughter have. Pointing to her and it meaning “you’ve got it” sends a far more powerful message than applause. Your daughters determination and the ability to laugh at her mistake reminded of the saying “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” I know that when I used to make mistakes and get upset I usually gave up or didn’t try as hard. I applaud the support you give your daughter and her strong determination, especially since she is so young. Good luck to you both.
20 Andrea // Mar 22, 2011 at 8:25 pm
First of all, I love to see when parents are so supportive. Knowing that your parents are there for you no matter what happens is such an important thing for a child to have. Never stop supporting her. I love the fact that you daughter knows that it’s alright to make mistakes. The bond that you have with her is amazing. Her ability to just laugh about it when something does not go the way that it should is awesome. Her determination is a characteristic that everyone should have. I also hope that the both of you will always have the ability to laugh whenever you can. Laughter is the best medicine. I wish you both the best of luck in the future.
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